I don't mind if you tend to date fat girls, or really even if you get some specific pleasure from being with a fat woman -- but I don't need that to be the first thing you tell me about yourself. " It's announced as if it's supposed to reassure me that they aren't going to take one look at me naked and run, I think? Or maybe it's meant to suggest some kink; like to let me know that he wants to feed me cakes and watch me weigh myself? If you care more about my weight than I do, we're going to have a problem. "You're not the kind of lazy, stupid, disgusting, [insert sizeist insult here] slob who I expect fat people to be," is not a compliment.Dudes tend to assume that I haven't dated a lot in my life -- or the opposite, that I'm always up for casual sex because I'm desperate for attention.Men, just like us, have insecurities and fears about dating, and sometimes they need a push to put themselves out there. While I'm not always a fan of popular methods on how to "score hot women," these coaches who advise guys about women hold a valuable piece of information that's really useful to women: all the reasons guys seek their help in the first place.Todd Valentine, a dating and relationships coach for men and chief of Real Social Dynamics Inner Circle, shared some of the most common fears his clients have, and how women can help ease a guy's fears and encourage him (if you want to, that is! He doesn't feel good enough for you."One of the most common questions I get asked is: ' What makes me special?As a non-single, fat, polyamorous woman, I can't tell you how often I've been questioned about my confidence, self-worth, who I am, and why I'm into what I'm into.If literally the only reason you are interested in me is because I'm fat, you might want to take a step back and get to know a bit about me first. When you tell me I'm not, what you are really saying is that despite my body size, I'm not all those horrible things you tend to associate with fatness.I have experienced sexual assault and trauma in my life.A lot of fat women have -- the ACE scores study suggest that at least some cases of obesity are biologically related to childhood trauma -- but I don't need you to psychoanalyze me, to explain to me why I'm fat, or to try and "fix" me somehow. I got over guys who wanted to sleep with me but weren't willing to be seen in public with me a long time ago.
Whether or not fat hatred is malicious, it's still harmful.But perhaps most important, give a guy a chance to overcome his initial awkwardness. "That way, if you reject him, it's him you're rejecting—not the frog in his throat or his adrenaline-induced stammering."3. Even guys who don't get nervous about talking to girls can freeze up when it comes to actually taking the next step."No guy likes putting his neck out if he's not absolutely sure a girl is into him," Todd says.They often come into a relationship believing that my past partners have been abusive or unfaithful, or that my current partner isn't interested in sex and that's why we're poly.Basically, that he's arrived to save me from my terrible, sad, fat life.